Wednesday, January 28, 2015

It is your responsibility to hold it together

So the other day I heard about a mom who was telling her son that if he didn’t do this or that she was going to kill herself. Then I heard another mom tell her teenage son that she had him so he could take care of her. In both incidences I did not know the women. But it made me think about the mental pressure we put on our children either on purpose or inadvertently. I can remember my whole life my mother saying “I should just shoot myself in the head and then you’d be happy.” And I realize that the last time Hannah told me she hated me I reacted by saying “one day I will be gone and you will be an orphan and you will regret saying that.” And this mental torture gilt stuff doesn’t just apply to mother/child relationships, don’t we do this with our men too? I know I have said to my husband in a fit of rage during a fight something on the order of one day one of us will be dead so we just have to wait it out. When we are angry we can say the most wicked comments. And I honestly cannot remember my husband saying any such thing to me. So I do think it is a woman issue. The drama is all female. And when you combine motherhood and hormones, watch-out. The woman who told her kid she was going to kill herself is now having CPS look into what she said, because her husband freaked out (they are divorced.) And since it isn’t my family or friend I did not comment. But, clearly this woman should not lose her child over a stupid comment. My point being is mothers say a lot of stupid crap to their kids every day. Maybe we all need to be aware of this and zip it more. Maybe we are screwing up our kids more than we think. I do know that I grew up in a house with my mother who said anything at any time and I think I have a thicker skin and higher self esteem because of it. I think it is worse to be in a house where it is totally polite, there is no screaming, and your world is never rocked. What are your thoughts on this?


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From readers

I just joined ur email list and I admire u for this last email. Please keep them coming makes us feel normal. We don’t need advice its a since of reality check for us. Work on u and ur husband and forget about the teens. They will come back around in their later years trust me! God bless u and ur family!  Read More →


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Darla, I just read your article about bullying and while I agree on most points, I have to disagree with you about some others. I didn't see the news story you saw,but I can tell you that it isn't always possible to move a child to another school. Our daughter was harassed in one school she went to for being gay. We were living in a small town on the... [Read more >>]


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