Fixing Darla

[Darla Shine]

I was up all night. I have a bad trait. When someone upset me I shut them out and I walk away. I have alway dealt with conflict this way. I do not like tension. I do not like drama. I don't deal with it well. I grew up in a family where there were always external wars at play. Who my parents were or weren't talking to. Which aunt's were fighting. One time I saw my own Grandfather in the grocery store and he did not say hello to me. He ignored me. I was devestated. I was about 8 years old but I still remember it like it was yesterdy. He was with his new wife, and she wanted nothing to do with his 'first family.' Holy crap so much drama. I swore, to myself that I would never be like this. And so I have over compensated trying to be friendly to everyone, inviting them into my life, and going over the top to please people.

I am still bff's with my bff's from elementary school, high school, college, work days... etc... I try to keep up even if its only a few calls a year to stay in touch. Along the way, If you were a nasty drama girl, I just stayed away. This has pissed off some women I am sure of it. One woman I met and befriended, I had to pull away from big time because of her 'miserable personality' always talking trash about someone. She accused me of being 'cold and distant' and said I was rude to just stop being bff's with her. I was civil and nice, and to this day I say hello and our children play. But in my mind I was never bff's with her just friends whose kids were friends. But why do I need to be good friends with a negatie person? How can you easily break up with another woman? It is very hard.

Recently with all the drama that went down on these boards, you all know I refused to talk about it. And a lot of women got annoyed at me and left HHC over it. I got emails with some pretty vile comments. But again, that is what I do and how I handle this, by ignoring it. But I am not cold and distant. I am very hurt and I wanted you all to know.

Every day so many of us are on these boards. I built them from nothing and we have had over 100 million hits. Yes, that is right.

I always said I would rather have three women on here with me than to have a forum full of debate, bickering, and mama-drama.

But being on here everyday we become like a family. A group of women who really get to know each other. And in every family there are ups and downs, arguments and disagreements. And I realize that I reacted exactly the way I swore I wouldn't. I cut people out and turned my back. Just like my Grandfather did to me.

I don't want to be like this. I have to work on Darla.

One of my bff's mom said once, "It takes a real woman to admit her faults to another woman."

We all have our backs up. Each of us. Because society has pushed us against each other. Think about when it starts. The cliques in school. The competition, the drama, the cat fights, and worst of all the dishonesty.

I may not talk about things and turn my back but I never did and I never will talk bad about other women. I am proud of that. And if you are in my life I am there for you no matter what. I am the kind of girl who you can depend on.

So I am making a change in me. I have to accept that I cannot make everyone happy. And I have to accept that I am not friends with everyone and everyone is not going to like me. I apologize to any woman I have offended or hurt by any of my actions. All I have ever wanted was to help housewives.

Will you join me on a quest to be better? To reach out? To be more positive? To try to influence the media and America to be more accountable and less negative?

Say hello? Give a compliment. Smile. Pray for another woman. Give her a lift. And lets show the world that we don't have to be drama-girls.

[Caroline Stanley]

Darla, Jacob was looking over my shoulder and said, "Wow, Darla sure has a lot to say!" ;)

Bless your heart, Honey! I'm riding shotgun with you on the quest. I'm for less drama and more lovin'.

[akahousehold6]

I'm along for the ride too, Darla (guess I'll have to sit in the back since Caroline already called shotgun :001_tt2:). You know, we ALL have room for self-growth and improvement. None of us are perfect. I just realized that Easter Sunday will be my 2 yr anniversary here on HHC. From our conversations here on the boards and working together behind the scenes to promote and support military families, I can honestly say that I have no doubt that your intentions are sincere. I would never, ever peg you for someone that is "cold and distant". We have all opened our lives up to each other on these boards - you included. I have witnessed innumerous acts of kindness, compassion, community, and generosity on your part! I think if we all focused on the postive, instead of the negative, our lives would be greatly enriched. I like Caroline's motto "less drama, more lovin'"!

[Darla Shine]

Renee I love you but please I am not trying to turn this into a
ya-ya Darla thread. Instead I am hoping to improve and help us all think about what we could accomplish as women if we all could be more positive.

[curley]

I'm all for positive! I hate negativity and I cut it out of my life whenever possible!

[akahousehold6]

Oh, I absolutely realize you're not looking for ingraciation! I just wanted to put it out there what I know to be true. We all have good and bad points. But if we focus on the good, it outweighs the bad. KWIM? I so agree that if we collectively pool our positive synergy, we could be a powerful force in our homes and in our communities. Life is too short to dwell on negativity. Remember the old English saying:

Keep company with those that make you better!


It really makes a huge difference in perspective and quality of living. I've had to cut some personal anchors and sail away from the drama and negativity.

[Caroline Stanley]

Well Darla, I think some of us strong women could make a lot of changes if we had a main focus and some good backing. We can all help to make changes in our communities. For an even larger audience, the internet and your radio show opens up the door to us being able to network with higher profile people and maybe get some very positive things done that we've only just dreamt about.

We all have room for improvement. I've been working on things I'm not so happy to see in myself, little by little, lately. The first step is acknowledging the problem, the second is having the gumption to tackle it.

[fletchmom2]

Good for you Darla! I'm proud of you that you can openly admit your faults. Not all of us can do that! I know I can't always do that! But I can agree with you on being more positive. I have been trying to do that everyday. Its the difficult people that get in your way. ;-)

[mamaof4]

Darla I already told you I was apart of HHC and I am not going anywhere. The girls that left were maybe looking for something else. Maybe they liked the conflict or the riffs that might of been going on. I don't know what happend or how any of it went down. As far as I an concerned I was not a part of it and it is none of my buiseness.. I am just glad you and the forums are back. Your "true" friends are here with you and for you. The ones that left because you wouldn't give your side of the story are ignorant. You owed no one anything. I am sorry that you lost so many people over the whole thing.. But me and a few other girls are here for the long haul.. Thank you for being you because you help make a better me.....

[Marcella]

Darla I am with you. I have said for years that women are horrible to each other and it needs to stop! I have tried so hard to NOT be that kind of woman. I am trying hard to raise my DD to NOT be that kind of woman.

I will keep pluggin along trying to be the best me I can be, support you in your effort to be your best you and attmept to ift up any sisters along the way!

[captbarth]

Darla, I really appreciate what you've said here and I know that you've had to sort-of journey to this point of realization over the last couple of weeks... but I just have to ask, because I will admit that many of my good friends are no longer here... Have you considered sending this to them?

I'm not asking you to make amends or anything... but I do know at least a few who might appreciate hearing this. Just a thought...

[Marcella]

Could strike a chord in many ...

[josee]

dont be too hard on yourself, nobody's perfect. the fact that HHWs has been around for this many years is testament to your appeal. and of course people will come and go, that's the way life is.

as for shutting down, i look at it more as re-focusing on other things! LOL i do it too.

[noel1222]

Great post Darla! I am all about focusing on the positive. There has been a lot of drama come and go on here over the years. I miss some of the girls that have left but we all have to do what feels right. I think it is very easy to say the wrong thing when you are talking to women through a computer vs. real life- hence some of the drama that pops up here from time to time. I have no idea what happened last week, but it doesn't matter. I still love this site, more than any other I have ever visited. You have kept me coming back for many years Darla! The women and thoughts shared here have made me a better wife, mother, housekeeper, cook, banker, organizer, gardener, decorator and happier person. :1:

[Caliwife]

Darla, I appreciate your post as I can really tell it came from the heart. We all have things we want to improve about ourselves and it is often difficult to admit our faults because we have been hurt in the past or our pride gets in the way. I also wanted to add that I read way more posts than I actually post and have not missed all the drama and just a spirit of meanness that was evident before among certain members. Certain people are gone and that's life; maybe they will have a change of heart and can come back someday, maybe not. Although our community here is smaller now I am feeling a closeness with the women that I did not feel before and I love that. Let's help each other out in being positive and making HHC a great place to be.

[grayjay'smom]

Darla, I am with you 100%!! I admire all that you've done with this site, what your goals are and have always been for this site, and that you can admit your faults. Which as we all know is not an easy thing to do for anybody!!! I do think that there are women who love drama, and I'm not saying that any of the women who left were this way, but I do think we can all learn to try to stay away from drama mamas.

Just know that I believe in your cause, I want to help you make this country better, I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere else. I've learned so much here, and from you, and I just wanted to say thank you for all you've done and are continuing to do!!!

[Dana]

I have been thinking about this thread all day. And, I think that was the point of the thread - to get us thinking about ourselves.. how we handle things that come up in our lives, evaluate how we can do better.


Caroline, Less Drama, more Lovin'. I love that line.

[Darla Shine]

I wrote this for me. Sort of therapy. It is really about who I want to be and where I want to go. It was a good wake up call really for me. As for women, imagine what we could accomplish if we could really back each other up. This is why I started the Housewife Army. Lets do something BIG together. What shall we fight for?

Did you know there is a new bill where the government wants to 'chip' every child? We cannot allow that.

Also, the smut in music and the media??? I can't take it.

Child abuse! Why are there not strictel laws against people who abuse children?

What are your issues?

[grayjay'smom]

Close the borders!! America spends $40 billion a year on illegal immigrants!!!

Hefty tax breaks for stay at home moms which would open up jobs for people looking for work!

Americans needs to supply food for America there should not be farmers that are paid not to grow food and we sure as heck shouldn't be importing food from China!! And farmers should have to farm organically (that's a pie in the sky I know!!)

I hope this isn't a thread jack you asked what our issues are, right???:oops:

[Dana]

LOL Jill!!!!!

[grayjay'smom]

What can I say clearly I have issues!! He! He!

[Darla Shine]

Did I tell you about the peeled garlic at the store is from China? Don't buy peeled garlic. Stop threadjacking. LOL

[bellevuemama]

Hi Everyone,

I'm just recently back to the site after a few years absence and I'm so thrilled to hear such amazing women talk about the things that are important -- our families and the direction of our country.

I'm completely passionate about balanced news reporting and my hope is that I can do something about the baseless propagandizing that's going on in the media right now. It's disgusting.

In my opinion, the media really sells that it's okay to hurt or kill others, as it makes you more popular on television. Fame and fortune wasn't always the American dream.

Anyway, less drama and more lovin' from Bellevue WA.

Happy Housewife to Chris, and Mom to Ellie (5) and Ethan (2)!

[shoppingmamma]

Did I tell you about the peeled garlic at the store is from China? Don't buy peeled garlic. Stop threadjacking. LOL

Not to continue the threadjack - SORRY - but this isn't healthy either...years ago I sold Pampered Chef and someone had an article how alot of times the peeled or crushed garlic sits too long and has bacteria in it.... fresh is best - buy a garlic press - one of my BEST investments!!!!

[Dana]

(sorry, I have to thread jack..) my garlic press ended up as a play-doh toy. Had to have it so I spent 10 minutes cleaning the sucker out only to have it break on me. Sigh.

Fresh garlic, all the way - or powder.

[shoppingmamma]

(sorry, I have to thread jack..) my garlic press ended up as a play-doh toy. Had to have it so I spent 10 minutes cleaning the sucker out only to have it break on me. Sigh.

Fresh garlic, all the way - or powder.

SORRY!!! Threadjack again!!! - but in response to you ;) LOL.... years ago I sold Pampered Chef and got the one they sold - it's close to $30 but the BEST money I spent - it's VERY heavy not plastic like the one my SIL got and has replaced 56 times....I've had this one about 9 or 10 years now!!!!

[Marcella]

* I actually just slice and mince the garlic myself with my very sharp knives!*

I'll have to think about my issues ... I know affordable healthcare for everyone is a biggie for me.

[WildGarden]

I supposed my issues center around raising healthy children in a loving, strengthening home: affordable healthcare, control over your own food (eating local, avoiding manipulated/faux foods, growing your own), teaching children to be strong in their beliefs and keeping outside forces from telling them what they learned at home is wrong. Generally, the rebuiding of the functional family.

[may20]

Darla, I'm with you on the drama stuff. I hate drama. I've always hated it (jr. high was sheer torture for me), but as I've grown older, I've learned that I don't have to participate in it. I can walk away. And if I can't help the problem be resolved, I need to walk away.

My issues? How long a list do you want? Mostly, I'm working to be light and salt to my husband and children and to everyone I meet. FWIW, I've written more letters to the WH and Congress in the past four months than I ever have in my life. I'm fighting to be light and salt out there, too.

[lauramt]

You know Darla, it sounds like your making peace with yourself. That's HUGE. Your also forgiving yourself. That's even BIGGER!

Whether you like it or not, you have set yourself as an example for others. Your book, was meant to show your life to other housewives. You put yourself out there. I think by your stepping up and taking responsibility for your feelings and actions, your showing us how to do the same.

You might not like the position of "role model" but I look at it this way, if Darla can do it, then heck, I can do it. I can stop with the catty talk at the local play group, which I try not to do but I do get suck in to from time to time, I'll try not to judge the mom in the grocery store who is struggling with her kids and buying junk, instead, I'll pray for her, I'll give a little extra at Church for those who have less for me, and I'll try to be more active in my local PTA where I can actually make a difference.

Thanks Darla, for reminding me to make a difference everyday.

[FitMama2Twins]

great post...

[tiffanyp1980]

I am with you Darla! and my issues are many. I think the goven't need to be completly revamped. Healthcare for everyone at a more affordable rate.