Vacations, not for mommy

[Darla Shine]

So a lot of you know my crazy vacations that end up disasters. Yes, I continue to try to have the 'Osmond Family' get together which ALWAYS ends up a disaster. This week was spring break for our children so we went up to our friend's house in Vermont. She neglected to tell me it is MUD season up there. All the snow melting means wet and messy. I brought my dogs, big mistake. Everytime they went outside they would track mud back into the house. All I did was wash the floors.

On top of that it as in the middle of the woods, I am talking Little House on the Prairie which I am not used to. So wild turkeys, deer, and bear signs everyplace. I left a rotisserie chicken in the car and at 2:30am woke up frantic that a bear was going to break into the car to eat the chicken.

Then Lucas, my annoying dog peed on their sofa and on their kitchen table (the leg) twice.

All I did was cook, clean, worry, and how was this a vacation for the mommies?

The plus was my girlfriend and I had a lot of laughs, drank a lot of wine, and plotted to run away for a week and leave the children with the hubby's.

We got into a huge discussion about girlfriends going on vacation together on their own and how we wouldn't do this and wondered who did.

I have a friend who went away with five of her girlfriends to an Island for a week. She has a five year old and a two year old. Now, this is just something I would not do. And it is something my husband would never tolerate. I would not want him going away with his buddies for a week either. We would rather be with each other.

I could see a spa day, maybe one night over. But a whole week? And if I was going to an Island for a week I would want to be with my husband.

Is it right for married couples to vacation seperately? Is it healthy for a marriage

[Dana]

I don't know - right about now, I'm totally up for getting out of Dodge, completely unplugged, with or without Phil, LOL!

I don't think it is unhealthy for a marriage - since we've been married, either I, or mostly me and the kids, have been gone doing our thing in the summers, or heading to Montana to visit the folks - those things are our vacations. Last year, Phil went with his dad and bro's to Florida, and I was thrilled for him. One of my sister in laws threw a fit, and invited herself for the next one, which is ridiculous, IMO. Let the guys have some time, let the girls have some time - as long as it isn't trolling for the opposite sex, or putting yourself in a compromising position, I say go for it.

Or, maybe its just us - we are all each other has 99% of the time, so a break now and then is welcome to recharge the batteries.

[Slim]

Yep. That's why I board my dog when we travel.

[curley]

Um...I'm leaving tomorrow for 5 day by myself to visit my sister in Los Angeles.:17: No...it is okay. It isn't anything the dh and I do alot anyway. I have tons of friends that dh's leave EVERY weekend during hunting season...not THAT would bother me!

[Caliwife]

We take vacations as a couple several times a year as well as our individual vacations; me with my girlfriends and he with his buddies. We are totally secure with each other and these are really just bonding time with our friends and there is no trolling. And it's healthy to get away for a long weekend or a week that way it's like a honeymoon all over again after our weekends away :)

[chrissyd]

I went on a trip with my best friend when I was still young and single, and it was one of the best times of my life! That said, I look forward to the day I can have a girlfriend's vacation again BUT that won't happen until my kids are much, much older. (Talking teens!) My husband has been bugging me about going on vacation together, no kids, and I just can't do it now. My oldest has a developmental disability, and my youngest is not even two yet. While family vay-kay's are still "fun" to my kids, I'd rather take them along. When they start rolling their eyes at the thought of being seen in public with me, maybe it will be time for an adults only trip! (I'm not crazy, though. A weekend away is not too much time away from the kiddies...but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it, yet.)

[Darla Shine]

Curley, I don't mean a visit to your sisters or Dana, going downstate with the kiddies.

Is it okay for a married woman to go to an Island, for a week with her girlfriends with no hubby, no kids?

[lamairs81]

I don't know if I could be away from them for a week. The fear of coming home to some sort of crisis would have me a little scared. But it does sound like a tempting thought at times.

[Jia]

I don't know if I'd vacation without Matt. In the whole 5 years we've been married we've only been apart for three weeks. One week in 2006 when I went to Utah to help out my sister, and two weeks in 2008 when I went to Utah to take care of my aunt after a surgery. Neither were exactly vacations. More like work trips LOL!

Matt and I are getting ready to go on a vacation together with another couple, and I can't wait. I can't imagine doing it without him tho!

[curley]

Curley, I don't mean a visit to your sisters or Dana, going downstate with the kiddies.

Is it okay for a married woman to go to an Island, for a week with her girlfriends with no hubby, no kids?

I don't know? I guess I've never done that. I guess it all depends on their intentions, ya know. Like are they putting themselves in situations that would be wrong for a married woman? I may go with girlfriends for a weekend or something but I don't think that I personally could go for a full week. I know that my dh wouldn't go with buddies for a whole week...again, maybe camping for the weekend or something. I think it all depends on what is intended.

[sahmto2boys]

if it works for the couples why not! I would love to go on a cruise for a long weekend without my hubby and my kids...and to just be a friend/girl and having a meal without interruptions.

my hubby goes with his friends fishing each year..and then hunting for long weekends...

nothing wrong with it...it works.

also, taking a family vacation is very costly. but to go and pay for only 1 person, is doable for us.

[akahousehold6]

Is it okay for a married woman to go to an Island, for a week with her girlfriends with no hubby, no kids?


It sounds fabulous right about now! But, I could never go away for a week w/ out my hubby or kids. I wouldn't be happy and neither would he. Now, a long weekend away w/ my girlfriends - maybe if it was a once a year or once every few years sort of thing.

I dont' think there is a right or wrong answer. What works for some families/relationships doesn't for others and vice-versa. Clearly factors like if a couple has kids and if so, what are the ages of the kids, etc. comes into play. I could never leave my boys when they were babies/toddlers even WITH my husband and w/ family offering to watch them LOL We went on a 5 day cruise last year for our 10th anniversary. My FIL and MIL flew out to stay in our house and watch our kids. By the 3rd day we missed them so badly we wanted to come home earlier. LOL

[MarcyW]

Hi everyone, I am new and have been lurking for a week or so... I read the book a few weeks ago and then came here.

I am going to make this the first post I respond to... I am hoping this is ok, seeing there was a question asked. I am also hoping that with a question asked you want someone true opinion, not what you want to hear to make you feel better about yourself. I have noticed a lot of friction on this site on people responding, so I hope my first post does not bother anyone too badly.

I find it ok to go away without kids for a few days. Even if it is alone. Why would that make you a bad mom? I say if you are happy then everyone else will be and there is nothing wrong with getting back to yourself if it makes you happy and then a good mom in the end.

If I am correct from what I read in the book, Darla, you seem to have taken a lot of time for yourself in the beginning of being a mom, not even to the point of you have been being a mom for a long time... But I guess having the nanny or babysitter there doesn't make it the same as a vacation away from kids... I see it as the same, you are letting someone else do your job even if you are sitting a few feet away drinking away and having a good ole time for yourself.

I also find it funny that you go away to the woods, knowing this, and then complain about every aspect of it lol Its the woods, you are not going to have it like if you were at home.There are going to be bugs, mud, animals, dirt... its the outdoors. It seems you went and had a horrible time because its just not you. I am curious on why you would pick there to go with your kids on a spring break?

Anyways, I think its great to get away, you or your husband. There is nothing selfish about taking time to yourself.

[Caroline Stanley]

This might surprise everyone but when Chelsea was 2, Mark sent me back to New York for two weeks. I wanted to take Chels but Mark wouldn't have it. No way his baby was hitting Times Square! He worked it out where he and our nephew were with her 'round the clock. I felt a little guilty leaving without her but I also felt that I really needed some time by myself. I wasn't running from anything but I felt almost suffocated for a short time back here in Missouri. That two week vacation might have spared our marriage and my sanity, in the long run. It helped me remember that I didn't want to live in the city, that girlfriends are great but not nearly as great as family and home, etc.

I called home at least twice a day and bought stuff for Mark and Chelsea everywhere I went. Could I take a trip like that now? I don't really know. I have a very bad tendency of being a loner and also being selfish. (That doesn't sound like an only child, does it? LOL) I have to keep myself in check or else I can become all me, me, me. But since I haven't taken a vacation in over 13 years without one or both children or even the whole family, I think I'm doin' okay. Right now, I would give my big toe to be down South on a pristine beach watching my family playing in the surf!

[sahmto2boys]

id like to be anywhere where it was warm. man im freezing

[may20]

I went to my high school reunion by myself in 2007. Hubby stayed home with the kids. I really wanted to go, and he didn't (a perfectly reasonable reaction, I thought), so we agreed that I could go. It was only three days, and I missed them, but I'm very glad I went.

I don't know that I could go somewhere for a week just because, though. While I think that such a thing is really up to what works best for the couple and the family, I would feel very selfish if I did that.

[Knit Mom of 3]

I can't imagine leaving alone for a week, but I would LOVE a weekend away. I think there would be a new appreciation on everyone's part of what our family means to us.

I spent 2 nights at my mom's a few years ago helping her recover from a surgery. My DH had never been happier to see me when I got home. I think if I had gotten time off from not being a caregiver I would have been even more excited to be back with them.
I think we all could use a bit of time to recharge and realize who we are outside of our roles as wives and mothers.

[Darla Shine]

I think its great to get away without the children. I think it is important for a marriage. Bill and I have gone away many times for a weekend trip and I am lucky enough to have my mom who can come watch the kids.

I just wouldn't go to a Jamaica for a week with my girlfriends. And I wondered what you guys thought about that. A lot of people I know are vacationing seperately and on their own with their friends.

As for going to the woods? I am a big outdoor skier/woodsy girl. We go to Vermont all the time. I was expecting to go hiking and golfing. I didn't realize it was mud season.

Welcome to the club Marcy.

[Darla Shine]

Wait, I can imagine leaving the children for a week. I would go away with my husband to Italy for example for a week and have no problem leaving them with the grandparents.

Maybe I am not clear. Here are the scenarios...

Your husband wants to go to Vegas for a week with his guy friends. No wives. How do you feel about that?

You want to go to an Island, lets say Jamaica, one week, no hubbies or kiddies, how does he feel about this?

[Darla Shine]

I think Jennifer puts it best. It depends on where the trip is and what it is.

[tiffanyp1980]

I would take any vacation atm. We have not had one in years

[may20]

Honestly, if my hubby came to me right now and told me that he wanted to go away with his buddies for a few days, even a week, I'd be packing his suitcase. Not because I don't want him around, but because he could use some downtime. And I wouldn't begrudge him that.

[Darla Shine]

Very cute May20. LOL

And I would love a spa night with my girls and some great wine. Yes, very nice.

That is what we did in Vermont. It was my girlfriend and I and all the kids. It was hectic but at least we were away.

I would have a problem with my hubby going off for fun in Vegas with his buddies. Am I the only one? I would be like, hey, wait for me... I want to see the shows....

[chrissyd]

Husband going to Vegas with the buddies? HELL NO. I've seen the commercials. Now, if he wanted to go hunting, different story.

[tiffanyp1980]

Vegas no, middle of the woods spray doe urine on himself thats fine. LOL

[Caliwife]

Vegas?? Yeah, I may have to pull the plug on his trip if it was going to Vegas.

[Theresa]

It definitely depends on what kind of trip it was. My hubby and I have not been apart in ages. I really don't have any desire to go away without my family but that's just me. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, as long as it was only for a few days. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?