School begins, another year to pass or fail...

[Darla Shine]

I cannot believe my son is going into 7th grade. I just can't believe how fast time goes by. I am having a hard time with the whole middle school idea. I think I am starting to have some anxiety over it all.

And another year to pass or fail. Not just for my children but for me. How I parent can change everything. If mommy is happy everyone is happy. And if I can stay organized, on schedule, and positive, it will be the best thing I can do for them.

This summer I felt like I was losing my Hannah a bit. She just wants to be off with her friends and she really could care less about being with me until its bedtime. This makes me sad.

And I only have six years left before Connor goes to college. And lately he is being so dramatic, grouchy and maybe this is what 12 years old looks like, but I am disillusioned.

For all of you with older teens, how did you hold on to them? How do you keep your bond?

We have friends who have raised three great children. I asked their secret and the mom said 'keep them in the nest.' I love that. And that is what I need to do. Try to keep my nest strong and the children wanting to be here. To make my home the happy place. For us to play as a family. So this summer we went boating together, fishing, camping, and we traveled. There were a lot of fights, some screaming, a lot of 'you're the worst parents,' but I know when they get older they are going to be thinking it was great their parents forced them to hike down the mountain instead of hanging with their friends. Right?

The idea of parties, and the negative influences out there, is what scares me. Now with these pedophiles all over the place and the high drug problems in our school district, I am trying to figure out what I can do. What can I do to clean up my community? What can I do to help fix the problems of our generation. I almost feel a calling and I am trying to find out what it is. Maybe run for local office? Or maybe I can't worry or solve any of the problems but only focus on my family, and the people in my life and help them.

I am even considering homeschooling the children just to keep them in the nest, safe and hidden. Is that the right thing? Am I going overboard?

But as the year begins, and I watch my kids go off to school tomorrow, I am going to feel sad and lonely. Maybe I am going through a mid life mom crisis.

[Ann77]

I agree with your friend. Keep them in the nest. Make them stay home for dinner before they can go out to see their friends, etc. Vacations are a great way to do this too if you can afford them. If you go to church, make that a priority on Sundays.

I don't think homeschooling is necessarily the answer, unless you feel a real calling towards that and you think your kids would thrive better at home full-time.

I don't have teens or pre-teens yet, but I don't think that being grumpy around the house has to be a part of being a teen. Perhaps I'm jumping ahead of myself (and believe me, when the time comes I'll be the first one on here looking for advice!) but I don't plan on allowing my children to walk around this house all sullen and grumpy. We have to remember that everything they have, everything, is actually not theirs, it is ours, and we have the right to take it away if they are not acting properly. Of course, they have a right to food, shelter, schooling and love, but other than that, it's all negotiable!

As far as helping out in the community at large to make things better, I really feel that there is little one person can do in the political arena. And I also think that kind of stuff is better to do once children are a little older, because of the time commitment.

I know, at least for me, the best way that I can use my gifts and talents and energies is right here in my own home.

[shoppingmamma]

I know how you feel! David is 12 and started middle school this year (6th grade) - he's had some momenets of grumpiness - the doctor said sometimes it's hormones and sometimes he can be tired - she said now they need LOTS of sleep - he will sleep more than me being preggo sometimes! LOL

I don't think homeschooling is the answer. I agree with Ann - if you have a calling to do it that's one thing. My sister in law has 3 girls - Ashley is 22 and the twins 17 and starting their senior year today. My brother in law has a girl that is a junior in high school and a boy in 8th and a boy in 6th. All of my neices and nephews are good kids and do alot with their families and don't get into trouble - I've asked them about it and some things they do is always go to church as a family, have Sunday dinners - if the kids want to invite someone over that is fine but they have to be there, do family vacations together, they do let them be with friends and go out and do things but also encourage their friends to come to their house - my sister in law has a pool table and air hockey table and fooseball. My brother in law put in a pool. They have rules, they don't let the kids go wild but they have these things and an open door type policy that the kids can always come over - having their kids friends hang out at THEIR house does keep them up on what's going on, keeps them talking to them as parents and they know everyone is safe and behaving. We are talking about a pool and in our basement my hubby is finishing it and we are making this one big room like the "tween" hang out - the video games will be down there, we have a fooseball table and are getting a pool table I think too - I like having the kids over HERE on a Friday night vs. out and about.

Also if you have friends that have kids your kids are friends with do things with them. Our neighbors have kids our kids ages and they all get along so we'll do game nights with everyone -= maybe do a Scene It game with kids vs. adults- its' fun! After awhile the kids will go off to play and we'll have some wine and do another game or just talk but everyone has fun.

As far as your community I have gained alot from being in the Junior League - it's a great way to get involved. The national site is www.ajli.org (http://www.ajli.org) This time a year is when Leagues accept new members. I like League vs. running for office or somethign as you can get involved as much or as little as your schedule allows and it really opens up doors to what is going on in the community and other non profits and such.

GOOD LUCK!!!! I go through this type of thing every year at back to school time!!!

PS - you could get preggo!! HAHA .... last night at dinner David (12) and Sara (who will be 9 before the baby comes) were talking about college and getting jobs and I was teasing will you still come see me for dinner on Sundays - they rolled their eyes but then said they'd come back to see their baby sister!!! (they are hoping it's a girl! LOL) .... David says he is so much older than this baby that he'll want to come back so he knows his youngest sibling ...... one way to keep them close! haha!!! LOL They didn't seem to care about poor mom and dad left behind - just the baby! ;)

[lauramt]

My MIL always said, you have dinner together, your family stays together..... She's raised 10 kids. She made the rule, no matter what your doing, you come home for dinner. Sports, friends, homework, nothing should get in the way of sitting down to dinner as a family. My husband grew up knowing that he was expected home at 5:30 p.m. every night, no matter what. If there was a sporting event, the whole family would go. Then have dinner. Granted the kids were allowed to have sleep overs from time to time, but other than that, the family was expected to be home. It was a rule and it wasn't broken. We do that in our family, we sit down every night, not just Sunday's but every night as a family to the table. I even sit down at the table with the kids when they eat breakfast even if I'm not eating. I sit down, drink my coffee and talk with them.

I think I read somewhere that the family dinner table is a key to keeping kids out of trouble.

As for running for office, that might take more of your time away from the family. I think what your doing here is helping your community. You're helping women to stay focused on whats important.

Sending kids off to school is hard. I don't think it ever gets any easier. I guess just enjoy every minute you got.

[mamaof4]

Darla you just have to keep doing what you are doing.... You are a great mom. As far as Conner moping and being real moody. That was my middle son. He was so negative and never happy. I brought him home and am homeschooling him. He was being made fun of so bad. Maybe you should ask him if something is going on at school.
My oldest son is in 6th this year. He has anxiety attacks every morning. He is not liking all of the pressure that comes with junior high. I am just praying we make it through.:35::35:
I am not going to take him out. He has got to learn how to deal with the pressures or he will never get through life.
As far as family time. We go camping 3 times a year. One of those times we go to a cabin in PA. I have a hard time with the supper thing because my hubby eats late. So the kids eat at the counter then we eat later. ( probably once the house is done things will change). We try to eat together once a week and they love it. But once he is on his new shift I already told him, Sunday mornings I am going to make a BIG breakfast then we are all going to church.
We are the back bones of our families. We need to stay strong and hold on because it is a bumpy ride.....

[ruthieshome]

Well, you can probably tell what I am going to say:) (Since I am a homeschooling Mom) I do not think you are going over board.. why would anyone think that? Homeschooling can be a great option!

I say homeschool the kids if that is what you feel you need to do :) Do you have friends that already homeschool? Do you have a homeschooling support group? Go visit co-ops, talk to homeschooling Moms who have been there about what its like for them. Visit with your kids and talk about what your life could be like if you chose this option.

I fully believe my children are they way they are BECAUSE we homeschool. I know and completely understand it isnt for everyone but want to encourage you to look into it if you are interested. Its your choice!

People make it out to be hard. It really isn't. There is a freedom to homeschooling that families have by schooling at home. Did you know that your highschool homeschool student can audit some college level classes and get highschool credit? They can then take the CLEP test and get college credit at the same time!

The freedom in Education is key here! What would your life look like if you homeschooled? Would it be less stressful? Filled with more memories of family and friends? It all depends on HOW you school at home.

My daughter is in 7th grade and I am soooo thankful she is at home. She is VERY active (track, writing classes, teachers helper at our church, etc) and has LOTS of great friends who love her for who she is. :) My 8 year old LOVES to climb our tree while I read history and even sits in the tree while he does spelling! My oldest son LOVES to draw in his sketchbook while we are reading. Freedom.

You said "Or maybe I can't worry or solve any of the problems but only focus on my family, and the people in my life and help them."
I think the word ONLY in front of "focus on my family" is key here. I believe focusing on the family IS what needs to happen in order to change our society! (and i know you do too) .. But how many of us make it our life's purpose! Our role as mother and wife IS what changes our world! How we raise our children will lay the ground work for how our children will raise their children. How we treat our spouse will be how they treat theirs! (do you see what i am getting at)

That's how change happens.


I have friends who's children are in public school. Their children are precious and seem to be doing well. I do not judge others for not choosing what I choose. But I do want to encourage those how might be thinking about it.

Life is way to short to not live it the way YOU want too.. and the way YOU think it best for your family! If that means public, private or homeschool.. choose whats BEST for your family :)

[shoppingmamma]

There is a freedom to homeschooling that families have by schooling at home. Did you know that your highschool homeschool student can audit some college level classes and get highschool credit? They can then take the CLEP test and get college credit at the same time!



I definately do NOT want to debate schooling choices with you but this is available to any student, not just homeschooled ones - atleast in the two states I lived in. The high schoolers can leave school and take the college classes or take in evening or weekends - however they want and the school board/school system pays for it as well as they get high school credit and college credit. I've heard of/known many students that have graduated high school with their college AA degree too!!!! :) Pretty nice since they got two years of college FREE that way ;)

Anyhow ....not to thread jack but if someone is thinking of that no matter how your kids are schooled I'd look into it :)

[Ann77]

I believe focusing on the family IS what needs to happen in order to change our society! (and i know you do too) .. But how many of us make it our life's purpose! Our role as mother and wife IS what changes our world! How we raise our children will lay the ground work for how our children will raise their children. How we treat our spouse will be how they treat theirs! (do you see what i am getting at)

I totally agree. If everyone, mothers and fathers, did their job at home properly, whether working or not, the world would be a better place.

[noel1222]

Hi Darla- I had not been on here in awhile and your blog was just how I was feeling today! School has started and as usual in the fall I feel like I am being pulled in 20 directions at once and trying to keep everyone happy and balanced. My oldest is a senior in high school this year. She is a walking ball of stress as she tries to handle her hardest year of classes ever, prepare all those college applications and her resume, keep up with all those extra curriculars that require so many hours of her time and have a social life. She is almost a women and still my little girl. She has her days when she thinks she completely hates us- but I think it is those days when she really loves us the most. She knows that all we require of her is to make her a better and happier person. I don't think kids can always see that, especially in the middle school years. But they figure it out- a loving home with rules makes happier kids and better adults. They can separate the good from the bad in the world if we are there helping and guiding along the way.