Do men leave housewives or career women?

[Darla Shine]

I wonder if anyone has done this study. So girls let's see what we can find. But with all the talk about Sandra Bullock's husband cheating there has been theory that 'he had felt neglected because Sandra worked long hours far away.' This would lead you to believe men need their women near them. We all know men are needy. Men need to have attention paid to them. So, I wonder if men cheat less on wives who are not career women? If your wife is always home, why do you need to roam? You are not alone? But then there are the crying babies, the dirty floors, the dinners, and a lot of other little every day chores that could take attention away from the needy hubby. Am I sounding nasty right now? You know I love my husband. But I am smart enough to realize he, and every man want and need to be doted on a bit. Old fashioned? Stepford-wife type of thinking? Yes. But this is the way it is. If you aren't laughing at your husband's jokes some other nit wit will. If you are too tired to have sex, some girl with more energy is available. Just ask Mrs Tiger Woods. And the feminists will trash me for this blog. They accuse me of being old fashioned. But really, no matter how modern we can think we are, some things just don't change. And the bottom line is you can be an adoring at home wife who is gorgeous and ready to romp any time or a smart ass high achieving career woman who can bring home the bacon and give your man a great time in the bedroom, and both women can have their man cheat on them. And both of these types of women may find loving and loyal guys who are true blue who would never cheat. There are great men, and then there is Mr. Woods and Mr. James. There are the guys who bring home milk and bathe the children and think their wives are gorgeous in their flannel pajamas, and then there are the guys like pig John Edwards humping in front of a video recorder while the mother of his four children is home fighting cancer. And the truth is, women cheat too. It is not just the men. Women claim their husbands aren't attentive to them. And it's the same complaint from the other side. Is it the attention we seek or the thrill? Is it loyalty we keep or is it the character we are? Is it the parents who raise the child to be monogomous? I have a lot of questions. But at the end of the day for me, there are no answers on this subject.

[judesmama]

Good question... I tend to agree with you that men needs their women close and to pay much attention to them!

I actually used to post on another msg board and there were a few working moms who SWORE more men left SAHMs because they were so "boring." I don't know about you, but I sure as heck am not boring.. I watch the news, I have my opinions about subjects, I am relevant...

Anyway, maybe some men are just sleazeballs and will cheat no matter what. Who knows.

[Darla Shine]

Why is it less boring to be working than be home? In fact, I would say I have more fun not working than if I had to work. This week I played tennis, went to yoga class, ate lunch with a girlfriend and as you all know went to Homegoods twice. I couldn't do any of that stuck in an office. Does being out in the career world keep you sharp? Maybe that is what she means. Lets face it when the children are small and it is baby talk and playgrounds all day maybe you can't hold a conversation on the details of world finance.

But I will tell you this one thing I know for sure. Those stupid women on that other board were missing the big thrill it is for a Dad to hear about his little girl's scraped knee or his son's first words from his boring wife because he missed it all day by being at work.

Those twits!

[judesmama]

You are totally right. Sometimes I catch myself babbling on to my husband about the little things our son did and then I say, "Oops, sorry! I'll talk about something else now!" but he always wants me to go on! It's his kid, too, and dads (good dads!) love hearing about what their little ones are up to just as much as moms do.

I know my hubby would rather hear my "boring" stories than me complaining about coworkers or taking phone calls from my boss during dinner.

[Darla Shine]

My husband wants to hear every detail of our day. Yesterday both children had tennis lessons and Bill wanted to know everything about it. He also is interested in the 'gossip' of the day. You know, Hannah's friend said this to her and Connor has a girl who likes him. He feels like he misses so much and he eats it all up.

[intrinsik]

Honestly, I don't know if a SAHM or a working woman would be more likely to be left/cheated on.. I think it comes down to the man himself.

You can argue both pros and cons for either situation, but if a man is inclined to cheat, then he would do it to either woman. Period. It wouldn't matter how attentive or inattentive she is, if he wants to do that, he'll find a reason to support his actions no matter what the situation is.

I will agree that there is something to be said for being an attentive wife - I think it does help greatly when a man feels needed and loved.. But what if the wife has let herself become frumpy? What the husband decides she's too attentive and he wants something 'different' or more 'exciting'? What if he decides he wants something younger? There will always be a reason to cheat, if a man is inclined to. They LOOK for a reason to. It doesn't always matter how good of a wife you're being.

We can only be responsible for our own actions, not the actions of others. We can only be the best that we can be.. If a husband has different ideas of what 'best' is, then that's his issue to resolve. He needs to recognize the best in you or, no matter what you do or how good you do it, it won't ever be enough for THEM. There are plenty of wonderful wives out there who have been on the unfortunate receiving end of the news of a cheating husband, both women who work and women who are SAHM.

I'll admit that I would be curious to see percentages or the results of a study to see which marriages wind up having more issues in this arena, but I do think it comes down to the man ultimately moreso than the woman. He is the one who decides HIS actions.

[Brittanie]

those studies probably wouldn't be accurate.. really how many men actually ADMIT to the cheating?

[Darla Shine]

I am just curious if anyone has conducted a study of the divorce rates. Do they occur more in two full time income families, one income, no income. Is divorce higher among the rich or poor? Really, have any of you seen this broken down?

[frenchmommy]

I want to say I read somewhere that the divorce rate was lower when one parent was at home. This was probably in a Christian based book promoting SAHMs. I think also that might be a bit biased, if it was from that type of book. Most families that are thinking along the lines of mom staying home for the benefit of the family probably have a stronger will to foster marriage relationships. I read a lot of Elizabeth George's books so it might be in one of those....Hmmm...Now I'll have to go look in about 20 some books for this!!

[melanie1962]

i don't know the answer to this subject, but i can tell you this: my first husband, the father of my two boys (who are now grown) cheated on me who -knows how -much when we were together. he was mean, said i was a horrible wife, and he ended up leaving me and our boys for an 18 yr. old stripper. Years later, during the week of what would have been our 20th anniversary, (had we still been married), he told me on the phone that he knew he could never have me back (i am happily married to a NICE man), but he still wanted to apologize for how he treated me all those yrs. ago. He said he remembers being angry at me all the time, but he also remembers that i was actually a really good wife, and he doesn't know why he did the things he did. What am I trying to say here? Well, I think some people (men or women) are just going cheat no matter what. It doesn't matter what a good person they are married to. My current (forever) husband had the same thing happen to him in reverse, by his first wife....she left him and their 4 boys. So go figure. As for housewife versus career wife, who knows? I do agree that we wives need to be there for our guys, pay attention to them, listen to what they talk about. Tell them they're hot, get naked with them, and have dinner on the table when they get home. Those are my thoughts.

[Darla Shine]

Good thoughts girls.

[critter_girl]

Hi everyone,
I am new here and this is the first post I have read...thank God for Darla!!!! I needed some inspiration! Anyway, I have been both a career woman and now stay at home mom and my two cents is that I think there would be less chance of being cheated on if you are an attentive wife who is willing to let go of the complaining and nagging (yes, I am preaching to myself.) Of course with a career you can be a good wife, but for myself, it was difficult. Much easier now that I am home. With my career, I felt we should equally share housework, errands, etc. Those weren't my "jobs." I just didn't have the time and/or energy for my husband. I know have a 5 1/2 year old daughter and a 10 month old son and although I am very busy at home, I am much more focused on hubby and family...just my humble opinion. I am sure it also depends on so many more variables.