Military Wives	Homemaking	WAH	Budgeting	Beauty	Living Naturally	Cooking	Forums

Saying "No" in 2008!

Do you have great difficulty saying "no"? Do you repeatedly agree to do something, make something, or be somewhere when you don't really want to. Do you frequently feel stressed, overwhelmed, or resentful because of this? When you attempt to set boundaries around your time and energy, do you end up feeling guilty and selfish? If so, the following 5 suggestions should help you begin to say "no" in 2008.

1) Make a Decision.
Mark this as the year to move out of the problem and into the solution. Let's be very clear, the problem is not that everyone asks and expects us to do more than we want or need to do. The real problem is that we keep saying "yes!" That said, it would only stand to reason that the solution lies in learning how to say "no."

2) Honor Your Priorities.
In order to honor our priorities, we must first be aware of what they are. For the stay-at-home Mom, it is probably that children, spouse, and home are at the top of the list. But what about personal well-being and balance? Why not make this the year to make self-care a priority as well? There is no situation improved by lack of self-care. So honor your priorities by saying "no" to those things which distract you from them.

3) Be Selective.
Although there are those who try to "guilt us" into doing more than what we consider reasonable or desirable, we have a right to be selective in what we chose to do or not to do. Just because we have always done something does not mean we must continue to do it. Just because we do something well, doesn't mean we need to do it. Just because other people assume we're going to do it, does not mean it is our responsibility. Although there are certainly some things we are obligated to do, we have the right to pick and choose commitments that are compatible with our desires. So say "yes" to the things you enjoy doing and "no" to those you don't.

4) Stay Honest.
When asked to do something that is not compatible with your desires, schedule, bank account, or energy level, try to be honest with those who are making the request. It is not necessary to go into elaborate detail, to make excuses, apologize, or even lie in order to say "no." As difficult as it might be -- especially in the beginning -- a simple "I'm not able to do it right now" is sufficient. And if you absolutely can't do that, buy yourself some time by saying, "Let me think about it and get back to you." (Then call and leave a voice mail saying "no").

5) Accept a Potential Loss of Popularity.
When you stop trying to please all the people all of the time, there is a possibility that you will become less popular. Accept the fact that this is one of the necessary consequences of moving away from the insanity of always saying "yes," and into the serenity which comes from maintaining personal balance.

And if you are really stuck in this area, read The Joy is in the Journey: A Woman's Guide Through Crisis and Change. This book has Eight Solutions which empower women to get to the root of their anxieties and problems (and inability to say "no" without guilt!), and to move into their authentic joy and well-being. ,

Betty Hill Crowson, author of The Joy is in the Journey: A Woman's Guide Through Crisis and Change, is an Holistic Life Coach and Spiritual Retreat Director. She teaches her Eight Solutions on telclasses. A new series begins in February. For more information, visit www.thejoyisinthejourney.com.